• Victoria Reed

How To Control Your Emotions

Are you determined to become more emotionally healthy?

Sometimes it feels like you couldn’t control your emotions if you wanted to. Something happens that you don’t like, and off you go. The older you get the more you realize that's not cool anymore. You’ve watched people who don’t have control of their emotions all your life. You don’t want to go your whole life being the same way. 

You tell yourself you’re going to get it together. But when something new happens, it all goes out the window. It doesn’t work because saying you’re going to stop is dealing with it on a surface level. If you want to effectively change, you have to increase your level of insight when it comes to yourself. You will hear me say this over and over again: You can’t change what you can’t see.

When you can't truly see yourself, you will try to justify things rather than change them. The problem is the satisfaction from that approach is short lived. But, if you want long term satisfaction that comes with growth. Here’s a few things you should pay attention to when it comes to controlling your emotions: 


Before we get to the how, let’s talk about the why. You’re controlled by your emotions because you’re identified with your mind. You're identified with the way you think. Emotions are a response to thoughts. It’s not about what’s happening. It’s about what you think about what’s happening. 

You can choose how you think about what happens. The way you think about things comes from your past experiences and your environment. These form your perception (the filter you use to view life). The way you see things. That filter can be removed, and you can learn to see things as they truly are. 

One of the most important things to know is that just because you see it that way doesn’t mean that’s the ONLY way to see it. Your past experiences may validate your thinking, but there are more ways to see it. The past can teach us, and it can keep us stuck.

Quick tip:

When you’re upset, don’t try to find someone who agrees with your upset. Find someone who can give you another way of seeing it. Allow yourself to consider another point of view.


Have you ever paid attention to how your body physically reacts when your emotions are high? My body would heat up to the point of sweating when I got angry. When I felt emotions like fear, there was a heaviness in my chess.

If you can spot your body's reaction to emotion. You can put some distance between yourself and the way you feel. Knowing how your body reacts draws some of your attention to your body when your emotions are high. Then, you have the opportunity to try to gain control. 

Research shows that emotions like stress can affect your physical health. We all want to stay healthy. It’s amazing how everything connects together! 


One of the ways you can get control over your emotions is to create space between the thought and the emotion, so you can make a decision instead of having a reaction. Even if it’s only for five seconds. That small amount of time will put you in the position to DECIDE what you want to do next, or a least do nothing until you’ve calmed down. 

Conscious Decision = Powerful

Unconscious Reaction = Powerless

You may choose to get angry anyway, or you may choose to take control. Becoming angry doesn’t mean you've failed. The goal is to learn how to create the space, and the more you learn to create the space the more opportunities you give yourself to make a conscious decision. 

It’s not about trying to become perfect. It’s about learning and growing. Like everything else in life, the more you practice something the better you get at it. 

To help you get started with creating space, I’ve created a list of ways to create space. Putting you in a position of control to make the decision you want to make.